Blogtember: An Apology for the Way I’m Wired

Today’s “Blogtember” challenge was to take a personality test and then to respond to your findings.  I have taken many a personality test, and it always says the same thing, I am an ENFJ, though barely an “E”.  I would encourage anyone who has never taken a test like this before to discover more about who you are and take this one. You can take the one I used for this blog here.

Most of these tests tell me relatively the same thing.  However, I was challenged by the results of this particular test.  I won’t comment on the things that I know to be true about me, like the fact that I am naturally a teacher, and charismatic, and have a propensity to put others before myself even if it is detrimental to my own good.  These are things that I have embraced and fought against for sometime.  However, this time around I was struck by the wording of this particular tests analysis by this sentence:  “Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.”

The in bold phrase struck me like a ton of bricks.  Mainly because this is a conclusion about myself that I have struggled with most of my adult life.  I love people.  Like I love them more than I can express.  This has often been misconstrued, and misunderstood.  I have had many a rough encounter with people who cannot understand how I just love people without having ulterior motives.  Many who second guess my intentions and my genuineness.   This misunderstanding I am slowly learning to accept, it is hard to change people’s perceptions once they are set in place.

However, being the analyzer that I am, I often wonder how I can improve the way that I love.  I cannot change the intrinsically true things about myself, but I can manage them better for the sake of those I love.  Like saying “no” to more things so that I am available to the ones I love, and not spreading myself out so thin in an effort to “save the world.”  Or at least the person who is in front of me.  This example was also present in the analysis:

One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need.  While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it.  Others drop in with a ‘quick question.’ I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone.  When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention! 

 I am this guy! The one who has all the good intentions in the world, but who also wants to be as helpful as I can in as many worlds as possible.  Forgetting that being spread so thin I may not be being as helpful as I would like to be.  Like diluting a high potency cure to cure as many people as possible, but not curing anything because I watered it down too much.  And I know that many a person has probably suffered from my “good intentions.”

So if you have ever been one of those people that I have handed a Band-Aid in my pursuit to bandage another’s wounds, only to leave them half bandaged in my pursuit to administer medicine to another.  I am so sorry.  I am aware as never before, and please know it is not because of an insufficiency in caring, it’s because I care too much, and don’t know when to quit.  Like giving a little is better than giving nothing at all.  I may not always be successful in my new commitment to be more attentive to the one in front of me, but please know I am aware.  And I am working on making my intentions more than just intentions.

May truth change us.

WV

To read more about my findings, and about me you can click here.

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