It has been three months since I last typed a blog. But it has also been three months since I felt enough like myself to be inspired to write. Three months ago I made a big move from Colorado to Missouri. Whenever I move geographically my personhood may be in a different location, but it takes a while for the rest of my being too catch up. Mainly my heart.
I think this process takes so long because I let an illusion take over. The illusion that somehow by changing my location I change my identity. No longer confident in my surroundings I begin to feel less confident about myself. Less confident about myself, I begin to wonder what my purpose is in this new place. I begin to doubt who I am. I think that because I have moved and that these new people don’t know who I am, that who I am ceases to exist.
But geography and the people in my life do not define who I am. People do not define my beauty, my character, my strength, or my talents, my essence does not change just because I am in a new state. So I can free myself up. I can breathe. I can stop looking over my shoulder and wondering if I am making all these new people happy. Because I don’t have to make sure people like me before I can be myself.
In this transition The Lord, yet again, with his unfailing love and understanding of my weak heart, has made a way. But not in huge ways. Not by making sure that all things are smooth or that everyone likes me, or even by making sure that I have enough money to feel comfortable. The Lord has simply been gracious to show me that who I am in Him never changes and neither does His love for me. No matter where I live, no matter who I am with, and no matter how much I do or don’t have, He loves me. And His love is liberating.
He has given me the joy that is the strength of my heart. He has clothed me in peace until it has seeped into my soul, like a balm applied to your skin sinks into the very fiber of your muscle tissue and relieves your pain. He has graciously whispered into my ear until I could hear it…
“I love you, just as you are, now and forever, today and tomorrow are taken care of, fear not. Do not worry about who will love you, how you will be cared for or even who will like you. Do not worry about being misunderstood. Misunderstanding is not one sided and I am working in other’s lives too. Relax and rest in Me. Knowing that I am doing a new thing. A grand thing. And I am changing you more into My likeness as we go. Look deep, you are different today than three months ago. The image of My Son is clearer. And that is all that matters.”
Here’s to another three months of transformation and resting in His word as my strong tower.
Take Risk Friends.