I have recently begun to doubt the presence of light in my life. Questioning whether or not I had ever really contained any “sparkle” and if I had imagined the whimsy I used to see in the world around me. For over a year now, I have felt the presence of something very cynical and hopeless attacking my heart and mind. I was finding it hard to see the good in people and my prayer life was almost non-existent as I sought to compete with people instead of pray for them. I began to doubt if God was good or if HE still loved me, or if I had lost His favor and was paying for all of my downfalls.
But as I have been writing this month’s Journey Towards Christmas, I caught a glimpse of light. And right in the midst of my dark questioning, God’s kind pursuit of my heart broke through the cob webs and breathed beauty back into my monocolored life. It started last weekend. I looked up from a table I was assisting, to see a woman carrying a gift bag that read: Don’t Let Anyone Dull Your Sparkle. It may seem like another silly phrase, but for me it was a breakthrough. You see, my favorite movie of all time if a whimsical little film called, Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium. In the film Natalie Portman is going through a life crisis herself. As she is riding the bus one day she looks up to see an advertisement for the local planetarium. It reads: Do You Have Sparkle?
Through the entirety of the movie Natalie’s character is searching for her “sparkle,” wondering if she even has one. So when I saw this quippy quote, it hit home for me. It spoke to me in a language I could understand, whimsy. These simple words helped me to reevaluate why my heart had been so heavy. I had begun to let the enemy shadow and distort what the Father had already said was mine. And because I had allowed the enemy to have power in my mind, a fog, of sorts, was manifesting in my life. Manifesting through, bitterness, doubt, worry, competition, envy, jealousy, distrust, cynicism, anger, frustration. Oh, outwardly I was keeping a handle on it somewhat, but inwardly I was a mess.
So after I began reflecting on this simple thought, What is dulling your sparkle? I was led to the the act of resubmitting my heart to Christ. Allowing Him to lead me once again on a cold starry night, outside my work, where with tears cold on my cheeks, and desperation in my voice I softly, unknowingly, began to sing, I Surrender All. It was barely a whisper, but it came from the loudest cry and deepest place in my soul, to let it all go and be free to be all His again. Something broke that night, something lifted. It felt like one of those stars got put inside of me and I was vibrant. Peace full.
I don’t know where you are this Christmas. Perhaps you’re feeling like all the lights in the world can’t bring light to your darkness. Or maybe you’re on the brighter side of things. But either way the need is the same. To humbly come and admit our need of the Savior’s light. It is the only thing strong enough to break the power of the enemy, but we have to surrender. We have to step out of the fog, and that only happens by trusting Him to lead. So whether for the first time, or again, I pray this Christmas is a time to realign our hearts with His. A time for asking the Father to draw us into the warmth of His light and life, as we lay down our burdens and shame. I hope you’ll take some time to evaluate this season. Evalute what may be dulling your sparkle and allowing the Lord to help you step into the light. Don’t take one inch of shadow into the next year, you and Jesus have too much shining to do.