An Expression of Gratitude

I am a lover of things done well. No matter how small the task, if it is done well it is admirable. I think this love for the small things is why I love Chick-Fil-A. They do everything well. They are one of the only restaurants I know who place fresh flowers on every table, train their employees thoroughly, and have found a way to pass on their pleasant culture to every employee. For these reasons alone I would eat at their establishment, but their food is amazing too. Who doesn’t love waffle fries dipped in their signature sauce? And I can’t get their Polynesian sauce anywhere else.

So for this love of chicken, and black and white cow suits, I found myself at Chick-Fil-a’s grand opening in Branson, Missouri. I was not disappointed. All the things I love about chick-Fil-a had found their way to Branson. I ate two rounds of waffle fries and drank a large sweet tea to celebrate. But in the midst of my eating enjoyment, I ran into an old college professor. A man who has impacted my life in a way I struggle to express. Maybe his impact stems from the felt absence of true men in my life. Having all sisters, and a “laissez faire” father, I craved a male role model. I do believe this is why Dr. Hayden Head watered so many thirsty areas in my life.

I remember planning my semester class schedules and knowing whatever electives I had were going to be filled with his literature classes. I never worked so hard to honor and respect a professor in my life. I not only loved his class content, but knew that he was teaching me things I should treasure and ponder my whole life. I was sick one class and had taken some medicine that made me drowsy. I struggled the whole class not to doze off. After class I immediately explained my situation for fear that I had offended him. This is my admiration for him .

I am now, still part philosopher and lover of classic literature because of this man. He taught me how to ask questions and use all of the mind the good Lord gave me. He valued every opinion in his classroom. Effortlessly and kindly redirecting students who might have been off track, he engaged his students as equals. He encouraged them to write well, but to never lose their unique voice while rearranging their essays to abide by good writing standards.

Dr. Head always offered to pre-edit our papers before we turned them in. In a way there was no reason a student should ever fail as long as they asked for help. In a way it seemed too easy, but asking for help was part of the education I received. Learning to ask for help was a lesson I never really learned at home. I always feared rejection. Dr. Head was a safe person to ask for help, no matter the topic. Those editing sessions were like private tutoring sessions. His tutoring gave me a chance to not only learn, but to be affirmed by a man who I greatly admired. His presence, in and of tiler was healing. His patience, kindness, and mutual respect unlocked parts of my soul I didn’t even know existed. I would love to say I am a grammar expert now, but I cannot claim to be even close. I can, however, say I am a grammar aficionado and over all better human being for having sat under his gracious tutelage.

Heck, If it weren’t for his presence I wouldn’t be blogging with the hopes of someday writing a published work. In Chick-Fil-A yesterday, I was able to express a minutia of these sentiments to this man. As usual, he was gracious, humble, and slightly uncomfortable to receive such accolades. His wife whispered to me, “Thank you, sometimes he wonders if what he is doing is making a difference.” Well it made a world of difference to this soul, an eternal difference. As usual his humble reply was encouraging to me. His response reminded me of what I often wonder, does my life make a difference? Do my efforts count? In that moment I realized no matter who we are, no matter what difference we are making, we all need to be reminded from time to time lest we lose heart.

So today I challenge you to take time to think of people who have impacted you. Then take some time to thank them. Even if you think they know, chances are they don’t know. I was challenged yesterday to get my eyes off of myself and remember to think of others first. Especially the ones who have helped form my very soul with their iron clad words, soft gestures of kindness, and challenging lessons. So here’s to you Dr.Head. Thank you for the gift of your time and knowledge. I am eternally grateful. I hope one day, The Lord will project the depth of my emotion and gratitude for your life onto your own mind and heart, so you may see the depth of my sincerity. Until then, I hope this simple thank you will suffice.

Another Relationship Blog

It’s almost March. March means another day of birth is soon to be celebrated. Mine to be exact. I have never had qualms with sharing my age as I have always believed that age is just a number. 31. That’s the magic number this year. At least that’s the correct math from the 1984 to 2015. But my soul feels 22 and my body feels like 70 some days. I have accumulated the experiences of a 40 year old on one hand, and on the other hand, I can only claim to know as much as a 19 year old. Which leads to the problem of how to accurately guesstimate my age. But I didn’t start blogging today to talk about my age or date of birth. What I felt in my heart was the nudge to continue the never ending litany of relationship thoughts.

So it goes…When I was in my early, post college years, I felt like I was blessed with two sets of friends. The college friends who are all married and now have children, and the younger friends who were dating and still had a few years until their wedding adventures would begin. Now, in my thirties, I feel like I have three sets of friends. Married, unmarried, and soon to be married. Although I have a handleful of sweet, sweet friends who are still ladies in waiting with me, time seems to be passing. And with its passing, time seems to be tying knots all around me.

 I can honestly say these unions make me happy. They are hopeful and beautiful and inspiring. But with each couple’s smiling face staring back at me from the pages of social media I wonder. That haunting question lingering in the back of my mind. “Does a suitable match exist for me?” I have said “no” to a handful of really good guys. But each “no” I was saying now, was supposed to mean I could say, “yes” with all my soul later. But the question lingers, does this person even exist? I mean it’s hard to be hopeful is it not? Hard to trust that The Creator of Adam and Eve made an “Adam” for me too?

What if He only made me? What if the faint ache in my heart for a match, is really just the residual aftermath of being a sinful being, and my match has, and always will be, God? Most days my heart sings “yes” to that answer. But some days, my “single days”, that answer doesn’t seem to be enough. And this is when I can sense, as right now, The Lord is asking for a renewed sense of trust in His goodness. A renewed commitment to believe in His promises. To know it is not about whether or not He created someone for me or not, marriage is not the point of my existence. The reason I was formed in my mother’s womb was to be united with my Creator, not a man. His promise was not marriage, it was that HE would never leave me nor forsake me.

And to this point, my 31 years of age, He has not left me for a single breath. Not for one moment, one daydream, one heartache, one lonely night or puffy eyed morning. Not in my questions, doubts, fears, angry moments, ugly moments or curses. He has never said, “I quit. Figure it out yourself. You ungrateful girl.” No, in these moments He seems to draw nearer, even though I may be a bigger mess than I have ever been before. And at 31 I have begun to see that through all of these seasons of singleness He has been showing me what true covenant truly looks like between a husband and wife. He has been demonstrating what a true Father does for the daughter He adores. He protects her from unworthy pursuers and invites her into a story that only strengthens her identity. So she knows what Her daddy says is true. That this is not a punishment, this isn’t a season for me to get my act together, this isn’t even a season of me learning how to trust more. This is a season in which He is showing me my value, my worth in the eyes of the Universe’s Greatest Dad

And I think, finally, at 31, I am starting to agree with His evaluation of me. I am beginning to see myself through the eyes of my perfect Maker. My God. My Father. My Eternal Husband. And I believe the best part of knowing my identity, is now I can assure you of yours. I can honestly say without blinking, or doubting, or wondering, or hoping it’s really true, that you are the priceless, protected, beloved of the God of the universe. I can say with all confidence that you are seen, not forgotten, your life has purpose, and there is a map for your life even if you can’t read it at all times. You really are on the road to something beautiful. I can plead with you, because I know the impact in my own life, to let Him lead. To never stop praying, pressing in, or pleading with the lover of your soul. Don’t hide anything from Him. He already knows anyway, but if you hide something you are only allowing parts of His character to be obscured from your eyes and heart.

After all, as I said, this is all about us getting to know Him. One season, frustration, heart ache, and question at a time. I still don’t have answers to all my questions. However, I have the only answer I really need, to the question we are all truly asking when we talk to God about future relationships, “Am I gonna be alone?” The answer? “Absolutely never. Not even on your worst day. This is a forever kind of love.”

Being the Best You

We all need encouragement. Encouragement feeds a weary soul. It puts fuel in our endlessly tapped engines. My heart and soul constantly need filling. So I follow multiple motivational people on Instagram. People who daily post words of vision, encouragement, hope, food for my deepest recesses. However, I noticed the other day a difference the posts I was reading. Some where filled with pure motivation. The kind that left me feeling empowered and energized. Energy to dream and believe what I was dreaming would become a reality.

Other posts left me feeling inadequate, wondering if I had enough to accomplish all my little heart was eager to see accomplished in life.  These later posts got me thinking. How is convincing everyone to compete with their peers a good form of motivation?  Competition causes anxiety, anger, pushing and shoving, degrading comments, and pride. It stirs up everything ugly and insecure in us. And those ugly and insecure things do not produce beauty, positivity, or growth, they brd something dark and stagnate.

I understand competition can bring out the best in some.  But I would question whether this is called competition or something altogether different.  Something more noble, more worthy, more character related.   I , for one, want to live in the cool refreshing light of day. Where a breeze stirs up the beauty in my soul and challenges me to unleash my inner beauty for the benefit of all those around me. If I am competing with humanity then the last thing I want is to share myself with them. Because they may steal my good idea or step on my dream right? I am tempted to hoard my gifts for myself and leave others in the dark. I don’t want to be encouraged by things which stir up my competitive nature. I want to be inspired by challenging words.  To hear words calling me to be the best me, words which remind me of truth.  Like I am unique, gifted, loved, and have seeds to plant.  On this path I don’t have time to compete because I realize my path is not anyone else’s. Here I only have room for companions not competitors.

What if it truly was less about competing and more about simply being the best you? Be you today and accept the challenge to be better tomorrow.  Not because you need to prove yourself to your competitors, but because deep down you know you have more to offer.  Let the best of you permeate everything you engage, this is what will truly motivate others to do the same.

 

You Were Made to SHINE.

It’s not an ostentatious thing to stand out. There isn’t something the person next to you has that entitles them to be more amazing than you. You and your neighbor are equally incredible, incredibly equal.

The question is:

“Do you believe you’re amazing? “

Our culture says amazing is in, but when we hear the word amazing we doubt it describes us. We don’t feel amazing enough to do any of the things people expect when they hear the word amazing. But the reality is all you have to do to be amazing is be yourself. You heard me, BE YOURSELF. That’s the entire recipe for being incredible.

The hard part about this truth is you don’t feel  these words are true. You don’t feel amazing because you are still wondering who you are. Where you are going and what you should be doing. We are so inundated with society’s pictures of “incredible” that we get lost trying to become a snapshot, instead of our three dimensional selves. So we live very flat two dimensional lives wondering why it never seems to be enough. Well in order to live three dimensionally you have to make room for your soul. The part of you that makes you you. No one else can share your soul with you. And you cannot share someone else’s soul. So why are we all so busy trying to fit someone else’s spirit into our bodies? I have often said, “If we are so busy inputting everyone else’s ideas and thoughts, how do we have room for our own?”

It is time to get your soul back.

There is a place for in taking and uploading others creativity, but not at the sacrifice of our own. You have your own shade of “you” to add to the color wheel of the world. Your own sparkle, twinkle, glimmer, spark. The question is, “What is it?” What makes you come alive? What consumes your thoughts? What makes you want to get up off the couch and fight? Do you even know what you are passionate about? More than just the latest movie, or song, or gadget. Those are someone else’s dreams, their uniqueness floating around to bless the lives of others. But if we are not careful their gifts will be the undoing of our own dreams.

Sometimes it takes separating ourselves from the noise to hear the still small voice of our weak soul. I believe we were created in the image of God. But this physical body is not in His image, our souls are His image. So it would make sense when we feel disconnected from the deepest parts of who we are (our soul) we feel distant from God too.

He wants to connect with us so we can connect with who we were created to be. Our true selves. Alive, sparkling, brilliant. You cannot live forever off the vapors of someone else’s dreams. We were each entrusted with our own divine spark. Something we have that no one else has. But as we compare, hide, fear, we become apathetic even towards our own souls. Our own true self doesn’t even feel free to show itself to us, let alone the world. So instead of growing brighter, shinier, stronger, it begins the slow fade. It bows it’s head ashamed. Ashamed of what? It never even saw the light of day and it already lives a life of rejection.

What advice would you give to someone who’s true self was in hiding? Someone you loved, cared for, believed in? Why don’t you start telling yourself those words of life. Love yourself, let your soul shine. You’re amazing. Be brave enough to be you. You’ll be amazed at the things you will do. I have no doubt it will be something truly dazzling. Truly spectacular. Truly you.

What If Your Dream Is Just Ahead?

Driving brings out the worst in me. I become impatient, belligerent, even hostile behind another driver. Especially when they are not driving the way I would like them to drive. Faster, always faster, is my preference for drivers. I often apologize to Jesus out loud for not being more loving in my thoughts and words while driving. Alarming but true story, I think I have mentally committed murder many times over behind the wheel of my Santa Fe.

In the end I often end my rants with praying about why I am so frustrated. As I begin pondering my recent driving profanities and malicious thoughts I always end by blessing the person I cursed (and asking The Lord to take my license so I will learn how to love others better.) He is gracious and has maintained my drivers license, but I think it may be because He doesn’t want to drive me to work. Haha.

But seriously, I often end with one thought: I am so impatient when I am not in control. I want to get there faster no matter what area of life I am walking or driving or running through. I do not want to hear, “Wait, stop, be still,” or any other variation of words meaning, “Don’t move.” But sometimes not moving is the quickest way to your destination. Our not moving doesn’t mean God is not moving. He is constantly rearranging things in the unseen on our behalf. Often changing “lights”, creating “stop” signs, and directing us into traffic jams, for our benefit. Many times, in hind sight, I can see how He kept me from falling into a trap of the the enemy because He redirected my steps. How loving, how annoying. 😉

No matter how annoying the waiting, afterwards I always seem to walk, drive, run past those could be hindrances without even knowing they were there. There also seems to be this incredible grace for the times I “pass” the obstacles across a double yellow line and blaze my own trail. But even while speeding God seems to be teaching me to slow down. So thankful His grace is faster than my sin.

His speedy grace has also been sufficient in times of waiting. Those l o n g seasons of waiting where I am stuck in traffic and about to run out of gas with no gas exit in sight. When my engine seems to be run on tears and questions. Even here His grace waits with me. I use this traffic analogy because it’s simple and anyone with a license can probably relate. As well as the fact that I love road trips, and recently took one filled with traffic jams and gas worries. But honestly sometimes life takes on a much more serious note than traffic jams and gasless engines. Sometimes it’s not the vehicles we are driving it is our own bodies racked with disease, or a family member or friend’s death. Perhaps it is relentless depression and hopelessness, or simply an unrelenting temptation that seems to follow you everywhere. Fill in the blank. Ask yourself, this ________ makes me feel lost, depressed, frustrated, fearful, or all of the above plus some.

We all have something the enemy has introduced trying to keep us from our final destination. Trying too keep us from truly enjoying and becoming everything we were meant to be in between opportunities. Often we are tempted to give up, to leave our “car” by the side of the road, make camp, and just try to survive the between. But how do you know that a gas station isn’t right around the corner? Or even five miles ahead? The reality is, the closer you get to your destiny the harder the enemy will try to thwart you. Traffic jams, flat tires, depression, anger, frustrated dreams, you name it. He has come to rob you of your destiny. God dreamed you into existence. You were God’s dream. And God gave you the ability to dream too, because He has something for you to dream into existence. Something to help establish His presence on Earth as it is in Heaven.

So the enemy comes with his bribes. Offering you a small percentage of your dream in return for your surrender. This is when the question becomes, “Are your dreams for sale?”

DO NOT SETTLE FOR 30% OF YOUR DREAM WHEN 100% IS AHEAD OF YOU.

Do not be discouraged by the world for they can only speak from their own discouraged hearts. From the bitterness of knowing they sold their dreams and need to be comforted by convincing you to sell yours too. Keep moving, keep driving, keep dreaming. For the world belongs to dreamers like you. Why do you think the enemy fights so hard to steal your dreams? Because He knows dreams lead to hope. And hope will conquer the world.

Don’t settle, your dream is ahead of you.

 

“God is holding out on me”

“God is holding out on me”.

Having felt this way over the last few weeks I just wanted to pass along the encouragement from a fellow sisters heart. It is timeless truth, but one we must remember to preach to ourselves daily. God is good never late, never early always on time, and always for us. May these words come as timely water for your heart.

Annie

Inspiration for the heart

This is a fellow blogger with a beautiful heart and these quotes spoke to me. I hope they will speak to you. Cheers.
BH&T

“To step into tomorrow’s possibilities you must let go of yesterday’s realities. Be careful of your choices between what was, is and will be. It is very hard to fully step into your destiny while you are still holding on to your history.” –Christine Caine

 “Anyone can worship God in good times. But the real test is if you can worship when times are hard.”-Vladimir Savchuk

“A person’s character is shown through their actions. Not where they are on Sunday morning.” –Navonne Johns

 “Revival begins when you draw a circle around yourself and make sure everything in that circle is right with God.” –Anne Graham Lotz

 “The fact that our heart yearns for something this earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven is our home” –C.S. Lewis

“Don’t underestimate what God can do through you. God has a long history of using foolish and broken…

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What makes God, God?

treehousedreamer

I was reading a devotional last night written by an author whom I love dearly. In this particular passage,  she was discussing the sovereignty of God and finding rest in it. Although most of her case was sound, one phrase caught my attention and started my wonderings. She said “God is all powerful, that’s what makes Him God.” I absolutely agree that God is all powerful.  He is also all present,  all knowing, all wise and a whole host of other attributes. But which is the cause and which is the effect? Is He God because He is all powerful,  or all powerful because He is God?

Throughout history, humaity has created and re created deities in our own image. Sure the gods are usually bigger and stronger, faster and smarter than we are but most still manage to be petty and cruel or at best, benevolent tyrants. In all…

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Face to Face

Formless.
Void.
Empty.
A longing, a breath.
Then, a spark.
Imagination exhales.
A life is formed.
Breath of love is breathed.
Then…me.

A formless void presents itself as a canvas before the Eternally, Creative One.
The One Whose very blink has power.
Who does nothing without purpose.
When He imagined me, He loved me.
He knew me.
He named me.
Then with tender fingers, loving heart, and abundant creativity, He formed me.
With holy breath He breathed life into these lungs with birth’s first cry.
A breath He continues to maintain.
Like life support He lends me this life.
Each day waiting for me to see how my lungs are infused with His eternal grace.
He longs for me to see our connection.
Not so that He can enslave me with guilt, but only to outpour His affection and love.
To share the rhythm found in his eternal heartbeat.
Pounding out the cadence of His soul rending passion.
A passion that maintains its fire no matter the coldness of my heart.
So, at the sun’s rising, my lungs fill with air, and I am greeted by His grace anew.
His mercy singing out an invitation to see the Source of each breath.
To look into the eyes of the One Who, looked into my dead eyes, not from a distance, but nose to nose, mouth to mouth, forehead to forehead.

And just breathed.

Because He loves me, He lent me this life.

And still He’s here, nose to nose, forehead to forehead, mouth to mouth, eye to eye.
Waiting, longing, yearning for the day when my faith shall become sight.
When I can, at last, see the Life Giver, as clearly as He has always seen me…

face to face.

“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” 1 Corinthians 13:12

Someday we will see Him face to face, hold on.

BH&T.

The Lies We Believe

It has been three months since I last typed a blog. But it has also been three months since I felt enough like myself to be inspired to write. Three months ago I made a big move from Colorado to Missouri. Whenever I move geographically my personhood may be in a different location, but it takes a while for the rest of my being too catch up. Mainly my heart.

I think this process takes so long because I let an illusion take over. The illusion that somehow by changing my location I change my identity. No longer confident in my surroundings I begin to feel less confident about myself. Less confident about myself, I begin to wonder what my purpose is in this new place. I begin to doubt who I am. I think that because I have moved and that these new people don’t know who I am, that who I am ceases to exist.

But geography and the people in my life do not define who I am. People do not define my beauty, my character, my strength, or my talents, my essence does not change just because I am in a new state. So I can free myself up. I can breathe. I can stop looking over my shoulder and wondering if I am making all these new people happy. Because I don’t have to make sure people like me before I can be myself.

In this transition The Lord, yet again, with his unfailing love and understanding of my weak heart, has made a way. But not in huge ways. Not by making sure that all things are smooth or that everyone likes me, or even by making sure that I have enough money to feel comfortable. The Lord has simply been gracious to show me that who I am in Him never changes and neither does His love for me. No matter where I live, no matter who I am with, and no matter how much I do or don’t have, He loves me. And His love is liberating.

He has given me the joy that is the strength of my heart. He has clothed me in peace until it has seeped into my soul, like a balm applied to your skin sinks into the very fiber of your muscle tissue and relieves your pain. He has graciously whispered into my ear until I could hear it…

“I love you, just as you are, now and forever, today and tomorrow are taken care of, fear not. Do not worry about who will love you, how you will be cared for or even who will like you. Do not worry about being misunderstood. Misunderstanding is not one sided and I am working in other’s lives too. Relax and rest in Me. Knowing that I am doing a new thing. A grand thing. And I am changing you more into My likeness as we go. Look deep, you are different today than three months ago. The image of My Son is clearer. And that is all that matters.”

Here’s to another three months of transformation and resting in His word as my strong tower.

Take Risk Friends.
BH&T